Editor’s Note: This article was originally printed as an April Fool’s joke. It is purely satire.
If city council approves motion, sales tax in Santa Clarita will rise to 11.75%
Santa Clarita could be the owner of the Most Expensive City title if a controversial new plan to raise the local sales tax goes through city council Tuesday night.
City staff claims that the economic downturn couldn’t have come at a worse time, when the City had just committed millions to the various public works projects. So they will propose a 2% increase on all items bought within the city.
This news comes at a bad time for consumers, who are battling a 1-cent statewide sales tax increase that went into effect today, and facing a half-cent county sales tax increase in July.
City Manager Ken Pulskamp released a list of important city business that will be able to continue if the sales tax is passed
A set of 5 jewel-encrusted Lamborghinis for City Council members.
This will help in testing the cross valley connector’s high speed abilities once it opens. Also essential to relay the “Mayor Dude” message.
Cowboy Hat Retrofitting for City Hall.
Due to current limitations, City Manager Ken Pulskamp is forced to remove his 10-gallon cowboy hat while walking through doorways and in the elevator. This important project will cut cowboy hat-shaped holes in the top of all passage ways, allowing Pulskamp to walk freely around City Hall.
Walk Of Western Stars – Danish outfitting
It was recently discovered by city staff that William S. Hart was mostly Danish. In his honor the city will dig up each of the Walk of Western Stars pink terrazzo squares and replace the saddle emblem with a pair of wooden shoes.
Demolition of Skate Park
City staff was sadden to learn that the highly touted skate park unveiled at the Santa Clarita Sports complex last week has become an unintended hangout for skateboarders. It seems that the “skaters” are doing jumps and grinding on the artistic design features of the park. The park was design to “look really cool” and not to be used. Unfortunately the only way to rectify the situation is to demolish it with high explosives.
Big League Dreams Sports Park
The city will spend up to $30 million designing a softball stadium that functions very much the same as any other softball field, but has drawings of fans painted on the fake outfield blenchers.
Formation of Massive Projects department
Due to growing demand, the city has decided to open a new Massive Projects division. This 10-employee department will facilitate research and write up proposals for developments so big, they’re literally absurd. They will conduct studies and draw up plans for proposed projects like the Wiley Canyon Beachfront Resort, the 50-story Westfield Grand Papaya apartment complex and the Marsha McLean Regional Space Shuttle Launching Facility (MMRSSLF). This department will be integral in spending hours of time working on projects that are so big they never stand a chance at being approved.
These projects, while deemed high priority by the city, have drawn some minor criticism from residents.
“This stinks like boiling cabbage,” said Paul Strickland, whose name is very similar to Senator Tony Strickland, but is not related. They are friends, however, and they often use their last names as a source of humor in private discussion. “I demand to know where the city was when I made MY suggestion to put a basketball court in the Hart School District office! Show some love, yo!”
Similar criticism came from local resident and TV star Mark Paul Gosselaar, who starred as Zach in Saved By The Bell when we caught up with him at the new Target.
“Would you leave me alone?” he exclaimed. “I was famous like 10 years ago, get over it!”
The city council will vote on the 2-cent sales tax increase Tuesday night.
Editor’s note:
In honor of April Fool’s day, KHTS has crafted some of our stories today. However, one story is NOT made up; it is actually a real story.
If you can figure out our “Weird But True” story from the list below, you could be a winner!
- City To Weigh Sales Tax Increase Of Their Own
- Smyth Champions Local Fish For State Honors
- Octomom’s Tentacles Reach Santa Clarita
- Here’s The Poop: Health Hazards In Your Backyard
- Humans Blamed For Environmental Disruptions
- Hart District Alters School Schedule For 2009/2010 Year
Just email us at win@hometownstation.com and tell us what you think the REAL story is. If you answer correctly, you will be entered into a drawing where we will give away three certificates to local restaurants.
Make sure you include your contact information in the email, so we can let you know if you’re a winner!