When a child — especially a little boy — is missing a father figure in their life, or their dad is not fully present and supportive, it can have lasting impacts that carry over into adulthood, according to Santa Clarita life coach Alex Urbina.

“I wanted to talk a little bit about why kids, especially little boys, need a father that’s really present and able to help build up the character of that child,” Urbina said during the latest “My Conscious Dad” show on KHTS AM-1220. “The reason why I’m saying that is because a lot of times in the training rooms when I work with teens, I can see the devastation.”

Santa Clarita Life Coach Alex Urbina

Urbina believes that having a present father during childhood creates a backbone and structure in life, and uplifts the child because they know they have someone who will support them no matter what.

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In contrast, those who don’t often see the damaging effects in their relationships with others and their perceptions of themselves.

“I would think that a lot of it has to do with not believing that they matter or not believing that they’re important,” Urbina said. “As little kids, we’re trying to figure out for ourselves who we are and how important we are to the world, or do we matter? We need to be validated and we need to be heard.”

For a young boy living in a home with only female role models, Urbina noted it can be a struggle for that boy to understand how to look at themselves or interact with others without a prominent role model.

“Especially treating other women,” Urbina said. “So if I have a father in the home and he’s being very respectful and courteous and gentle and tender, and I’m watching him being affectionate with my mom, what he’s doing by modeling is, he’s teaching me how to treat a woman.”

Those who don’t have that kind of example in their lives tend to look for teachers in pop culture or reality shows, where dysfunction can be prevalent.

Similarly, a child who grows up with a non-present father who doesn’t show their feelings or vulnerability will learn from that as well.

“‘I’ll give you something to cry about’ was how I grew up,” Urbina said. “‘Toughen up’ or ‘stop being a sissy,’ those little things like that, you don’t realize they shape and mold the belief systems that we have as little kids, and then we wonder (later) why in our relationships we’re suffering.”

This type of role model in childhood often results in a boy growing up to have problems connecting in their relationships, Urbina noted, because of an ego or “tough” persona they learned from their father.

“A lot of those beliefs when we’re growing up are the walls that limit us from being vulnerable and being connected and allowing our wall to come down and let that person in,” he said. “‘Be strong, toughen up’ is what we’re told, especially as little boys. And then we forget that we do have a soft side.”

Santa Clarita life coach Alex Urbina is one of the leading experts on teen, parent and family relationships. Specializing in personal transformation, Urbina has 20 years of experience as a life coach in Santa Clarita. His Life Leadership Training programs are being implemented in schools, youth organizations and transformational centers across the country, helping empower people to realize their full potential. “My Conscious Dad”, hosted by Urbina and his daughter, Jazmine Urbina, helps listeners consider new possibilities they couldn’t see before. The show airs on Fridays at 12 p.m. on KHTS AM-1220.