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Editorial - Santa Clarita News

Editorial: Surviving The Holidays With A Troubled Teen

According to Cary Quashen, a high-risk teen counselor and president and founder of Action Family Counseling in Santa Clarita, the holiday season is often portrayed as a time for family unity and closeness.

“The holidays tend to foster false expectations of perfection,” said Quashen. “It’s the holidays and everyone assumes families should be happy, but if your family includes a troubled teen, the holidays may be anything but happy. Being a parent of a teen with behavioral or emotional problems added to the already difficult task of raising a teen and the stress and strain of the holidays is tough.”

But there are ways to get through the holidays with a troubled teen.

Quashen says “set realistic expectations. If your teen suffers from depression don’t expect them to magically feel happy during the holidays. Defiant and poor behavior simply does not change because relatives come to stay if your teen is a troubled teen.” Quashen suggests planning for holidays by changing plans so a low-key holiday reduces family stress.

Teen Trouble

“All teens need structured activities,” says Quashen. “When teens, especially troubled teens have too much free time on their hands they tend to get into trouble.  Structure your teen’s time with holiday baking, wrapping presents, participating in family outings and volunteering in the community.”

It’s easy to see your teen’s shortcomings and send negative messages when you are spending more time with your teen than usual and you are expecting holiday celebrations to go well.

Quashen says “it’s important to make a point of catching your troubled teen doing something well.  Praise goes along way and allows a parent to reinforce positive behaviors.”

More Articles From Cary Quashen of Action Family Counseling

Many people believe the holidays should include alcohol toasts and many serve several courses of beer and wine with holiday dinners and at holiday parties. Quashen suggests that parents set the example of a drug and alcohol free home. Teenagers who drink in their teen years are more apt to become alcoholics later in life.

“No one in your family under the age of 21 should ever be drinking. As parents you are breaking the law” says Quashen.

Ask your teen how they want to spend the holidays. According to Quashen, many parents assume how their teen wants to spend the holidays. “The best thing a parent can do “says  Quashen, “is to find out what holiday traditions are important to them. Teens are more likely to participate as a family member if they can contribute to the family planning process.

Drinking during the Holidays

Don’t stray from a normal routine and consistency. “If your troubled teen is in counseling it’s important to keep counseling appointments,” Quashen says. “use the extra holiday time to re-evaluate your teen’s troubles.  Often times a teen’s behavior or problems worsen during the holidays. That could be a warning sign your teen’s troubles are serious and need professional help. A teen’s out of control behavior is more often than not a cry for help.”

Cary Quashen is the president and founder of Action Family Counseling and the Action Parent &Teen Support Group Programs meeting at Canyon High School every Tuesday evening.

The support group provides free counseling services focusing on teen anger, defiance and rebellion, truancy, drug, alcohol and substance abuse issues, and gang involvement. He may be reached by calling (661) 297-8693.

Editorial: Surviving The Holidays With A Troubled Teen

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