A Santa Clarita grief counseling expert is helping those who are grieving the loss of their mom figure out how to approach Mother’s Day this weekend.
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“Here’s one thing that I know for sure: approaching a holiday or a major event after a loss is going to be very sad and it’s going to be very heartbroken,” said Sharon Brubaker, a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. “But my advice is always to go into that event with a plan.”
While having a plan won’t take away the pain, it can help individuals get through the day by shifting their concentration, according to Brubaker.
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Barbara Wilson, a licensed clinical social worker, encourages people grieving from a loss to plan on doing something “silly” that is out of character for them on holidays, like renting a few “stupid” movies.
“I even had one client … (who) was a very professional, serious lady, so the whole idea of doing something stupid was just foreign to her,” Wilson said. “But she reported back that she had a good time, she had a good day because she had that plan. And she clued in the rest of her family so that they joined her, and so everybody watched the stupid movies and they had pizza and popcorn and they made an event out of it.”
The very first Thanksgiving holiday Brubaker spent after losing her dad began with writing him a letter and shedding some tears, but then she was able to shift her concentration by doing something silly: planning a Nerf war with her family.
“I hid Nerf guns all over my house,” she said. “We started a Nerf war, which, it didn’t take the pain away, but it was a plan. It was something that we approached.”
While Brubaker spent the majority of the day having fun, Rachelle Jones, also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, pointed out the importance in Brubaker’s decision to acknowledge her grief that morning.
“Going forward into Mother’s Day as though everything is the same when it isn’t, it doesn’t really make sense,” Jones said. “Call it out, be aware of, ‘I can’t go into the day with this plan, this same plan that we always do the same thing, when it isn’t the same.’”
While Jones still recommends having a plan to do something different for Mother’s Day, she also encouraged acknowledging what she called the “pink elephant in the room.”
“Share memories, have conversations, talk, connect hearts,” Jones said. “Go on a walk, go to the beach, just do something that’s different from every day. But it’s okay to call (out) that pink elephant sometimes too, just to be honest and share hearts.”
Brubaker added that some people who recently lost their moms may find themselves able to get through Mother’s Day alright, but the following day will be more difficult than they had anticipated.
“I’ve even heard clients say, ‘I was able to get through that day, it was the next day that it hit me,’” she said. “So if you think that’s going to be you, definitely have a plan for the next day as well.”
Brubaker concluded, “I want to wish all the mothers out there the very happiest Mother’s Day, and to all the children that will be having this first year without their mother, we are definitely with you. We are sending you good energy.”
Ed. Note: This article is a KHTS Community Spotlight based on the latest “The Grief Recovery Hour” with Sharon Brubaker, a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist.Santa Clarita grief counseling expert Sharon Brubaker has over 11 years of experience as a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. The grief counseling expert specializes in the Grief Recovery Method in Santa Clarita, and offers an 8-week education program that she teaches in person, utilizing her free eBook titled “Grief Recovery.” As a grief counseling expert, Santa Clarita residents dealing with loss or other unfinished business who desire a lasting change can be guided on their journey of pain to find healing in their lives.
Certified Grief Recovery Specialist
27772 Avenue Scott
Valencia, CA 91355
661-212-0720