A Santa Clarita grief counseling expert opened up a discussion about what going through the Grief Recovery experience is like with a young woman who participated in the group in the past.
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Danielle joined Sharon Brubaker, Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, for “The Grief Recovery Hour” on KHTS to share her journey after losing an ex-boyfriend who had become like family after their breakup.
When Danielle first found out that her ex, Donovan — Brubaker’s nephew — was killed in a motorcycle crash in 2015, she said all she felt was complete shock, and busied herself with being there for his family, whom she said had become like her family as well.
Related: Santa Clarita Grief Counseling Expert: Addiction And Grief/Loss
“The funeral, everything went by so quickly that it was hard to process, and I’m someone who gets discombobulated; I’m a planner,” Danielle recalled. “Nothing like this has happened to me. I’ve had people who have passed before, but usually it’s through cancer and I can mentally prep for that … so when this happened, it really just threw me off completely.”
Part of the difficulty in processing her grief was what Danielle described as the “unorthodox situation” she had with Donovan and his family.
“Donovan was going to be a part of my life no matter what, because I am so close to (his family) … (they’re) essentially my family at this point,” she said. “So it was confusing because there’s that aspect of me losing my ex, and then there’s that aspect of, well, he’s like a family member.”
Over the next month, Danielle noted that she continued to have problems processing what had happened, and her lack of feelings on the matter bothered her, prompting her to contact Brubaker about joining a Grief Recovery group.
“I felt bad; I just didn’t know what to do,” Danielle said. “At this point, I’ll do anything to at least feel something, because I felt nothing. The shock had gone away — now I just felt numb.”
After joining an small group of women led by Brubaker for Grief Recovery, Danielle said she started to feel again, experiencing a wide range of emotions throughout the process.
“It was hard to take in that overwhelming emotion, like this flood of emotion that you get because you’re just dealing with everything head on,” she said. “You just feel every kind of emotion through Grief Recovery. You literally go through every single one, whether it’s happy because you’re looking at all the memories, but then it’s really sad because now you’re dealing with the death of it, and the main one I felt was anger. I was so angry with him.”
While dealing with her grief was inevitably painful, Danielle said there was also an easing into her emotions that helped her find healing.
“It was something I needed, but it was painful,” she said. “Let’s face it, nobody wants to deal with pain. No one chooses that, but things happen in your life, and either deal with it now or it’s going to be really severe when you’re older, and I didn’t want to have to deal with that. I’m like, if it hurts now, I can’t imagine if I hadn’t dealt with it when I’m 30, and maybe it might affect my future relationships.”
Ed. Note: This article is a KHTS Community Spotlight based on a recent radio interview with Sharon Brubaker, a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist.Santa Clarita grief counseling expert Sharon Brubaker has over 11 years of experience as a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. The grief counseling expert specializes in the Grief Recovery Method in Santa Clarita, and offers an 8-week education program that she teaches in person, utilizing her free eBook titled “Grief Recovery.” As a grief counseling expert, Santa Clarita residents dealing with loss or other unfinished business who desire a lasting change can be guided on their journey of pain to find healing in their lives.
Certified Grief Recovery Specialist
27772 Avenue Scott
Valencia, CA 91355
661-212-0720