Alex Urbina, Santa Clarita Valley life coach and motivational speaker, helps people better understand how to form healthy relationships with the people in their lives.
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Many of those people in our lives are friends, Urbina said. But how do you go about deciding who gets that title?
“It’s an important lesson to learn,” Urbina said, “to understand who is your friend and who is your acquaintance.”
Friends are a part of our “inner circles,” we have common interests, and we share intimate feelings and ideas with them, Urbina said.
The acquaintances in our lives are less close, and sometimes for good reason, Urbina said. Sometimes it’s because they at some point betrayed us, let us down or hurt us in some way.
“Sometimes it’s necessary to use that as a learning experience,” Urbina said, “and make a decision about who that person is and what you’ll share with them, or trust them with.”
You may have set your expectations high and been let down when the person doesn’t follow through like you had hoped, Urbina said.
In those situations, you shouldn’t blame the other person, but instead look at yourself and say “I trusted you and didn’t take the time to truly evaluate the situation and person before trusting them with a responsibility,” Urbina said, and that’s an error on my part.
At that point, you need to decide what is important to you in a friendship, Urbina said. A friendship is getting to know the spirit of another person, and you need to ask, “is their spirit that of a giver or of a taker?”
Here are some helpful hints on how to differentiate between the two, according to Urbina:
- A friend is happy because you’re happy, whereas an acquaintance may be there at any given point to benefit themselves.
- An acquaintance asks for favors but may not return them, only calls you when they need something and a friend calls and offers support anytime.
- A friend is someone who makes an effort to physically and emotionally connect with you on a deeper level, and they are authentically interested.
“Making the title of these relationships we have so black and white, can help us have reasonable expectations,” Urbina said. “That way, in the future, we aren’t let down.”
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About Alex Urbina
Alex Urbina is one of the leading experts on Teen, Parent and Family Relationships. His vast experience in human potential and personal development has made him one of the premier Family Life Coaches in Personal Transformation and an international trainer.
Alex’s experiential Life Leadership Trainings are being implemented in various schools, youth organizations and Transformational Centers in the country, helping empower people to discover their personal power and realize their full potential.
Alex is a resident of the Santa Clarita Valley and has a weekly radio show called “ Life Leadership” brought to you by SCVi Charter School, on your Hometown Station KHTS AM-1220 every Monday at 1 p.m., to continue to educate yourself on teen and family relationships; by being the undisputed self-leader in your own life. (listen in or you can find more information about Alex via his website here.)
Photo courtesy of CNN.