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Smyth Champions Local Fish For State Honor

Editor’s Note: This article was originally printed as an April Fool’s joke. It is purely satire.

Local environmental symbol will soon be featured in Sacramento gift shops.

Assemblyman Cameron Smyth, R-Santa Clarita, has introduced Assembly Bill 5150, which would replace the Golden Trout with the Unarmored Three Spined Stickleback as the official State Fish.

“Because of problems in the Sacramento delta, the trout is endangered anyway,” Smyth said, pulling on the top of his hipwaders, which perfectly matched his L.L. Bean fishing hat, cocked at a jaunty angle to show off the youthful legislator’s winning smile. “Its time has come. This designation will deter those fisherman who try and souvenir hunt for trout under the guise of sport or feeding their families.”

Three-Spined Unarmored Sticklebacks have recently become a major research organism for evolutionary biologists trying to understand the genetic changes involved in adapting to new environments. Smyth said that he remembers playing with the guppy-sized fish in his Newhall backyard and watching them develop third eyes from the scented water that trickled into their pond from the SDI plant just up the canyon.

“The Three-Spined Unarmored Sticklebacks will be a great teaching tool for California youth,” Smyth said. “We’ll have tanks in every classroom. The lessons in biology offered by this little fish will more than compensate for the hundreds of science teachers laid off  when we balanced the budget.”

Being the state fish will earn the stickleback another honor – placement on the state flag. A stuffed novelties company has already sent prototypes of pillows, fanny packs, lollypops and boda bags bearing the fish flag logo.

Assemblyman Smyth with the proposed new flag.

“Everybody knows what a grizzly bear looks like, but there has been some confusion about this mighty little fish,” Smyth said, noting that no one in his district has ever actually seen one. “Like the late great Ronald Reagan said, ‘If you’ve seen one bear, you’ve seen them all.’ Or something like that.”

If AB 5150 is approved by the Assembly, Smyth is hoping his colleague George Runner will carry the bill through the Senate.

“I know Senator Runner likes things that are military,” Smyth said, leaning back towards a mirror to check a well-placed lock of hair casually drooping over his right eye. “The fact that the word ARMOR is in the fish’s name will make him feel good.”

Runner’s office issued a release saying that they were looking forward to helping Smyth with his pet project.

“Anything with three spines sounds good to me,” Runner said. “It’s about time we stood up to those bears, especially those who are overpopulating our streets and prisons.”

Smyth hopes that AB 5150 will be ready for Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s signature by the opening of fishing season.


Editor’s note:

In honor of April Fool’s day, KHTS has crafted some of our stories today. However, one story is NOT made up; it is actually a real story.

If you can figure out our “Weird But True” story from the list below, you could be a winner!

  • City To Weigh Sales Tax Increase Of Their Own
  • Smyth Champions Local Fish For State Honors
  • Octomom’s Tentacles Reach Santa Clarita
  • Here’s The Poop: Health Hazards In Your Backyard
  • Humans Blamed For Environmental Disruptions
  • Hart District Alters School Schedule For 2009/2010 Year

Just email us at win@hometownstation.com and tell us what you think the REAL story is. If you answer correctly, you will be entered into a drawing where we will give away three certificates to local restaurants.

Make sure you include your contact information in the email, so we can let you know if you’re a winner!

Smyth Champions Local Fish For State Honor

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