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Awesome County Map

Santa Clarita City Council Votes To Form Own County

In a shocking move, the Santa Clarita City Council voted this week 4-1 to secede from Los Angeles County.

During a special meeting Friday, the Santa Clarita City Council held a vote to secede from Los Angeles County and form an independent regional government.

“We’ve reached our limit on County mandates,” Santa Clarita City Manager, Ken Striplin told KHTS. “Most of our tax dollars leave Santa Clarita. The County only sends a small percentage back for services in our valley.”

The new county will be named “Awesome County” a derivative of the marketing campaign launched by Newhall Land many years ago.

“I believe there’s no other county with that name anywhere in the universe,” said a beaming Santa Clarita Mayor Jason Gibbs. “Besides, we’ll always pop up near the beginning of the alphabet. That could assist with federal funding.”

Santa Clarita City Councilwoman Marsha McLean added, “Maybe we can change the spelling to ‘Aaasometown.’ That would really give us a head start.”

“That suggestion is beyond stupid,” countered former Santa Clarita City Council candidate Denise Lite who came close to defeating McLean during the last election cycle. “That’s another example of Marsha’s heart being in the right place, but her critical thinking is stuttering.”

Santa Clarita tried to form its own county a few years before it achieved cityhood in 1987. Back then, the voters turned it down because the entire county was allowed to vote on the decision. Today, with the combination of recently-lifted restrictive County Covid mandates and tax revenue siphoning, Councilmembers pulled the trigger.

Los Angeles County Supervisor, Kathryn Barger is fuming. “I am totally outnumbered by our Board of Supervisors filled with Progressives. So, any vote I made in the interest of my Santa Clarita constituents got popped like a Chinese spy balloon.”

Chinese Balloons

Republican California State Senator, Scott Wilk, R-Santa Clarita, who has represented our valley for many years remained passive. “It’s not like they tried to secede from California, so what’s the big deal? Besides, Vanessa and I plan to move to the Cape after I retire. As I’ve stated in previous interviews, Massachusetts is much less restrictive than California.”

“The Senator is wrong again,’ said newly elected California Assemblywoman Pilar Schiavo, D-Chatsworth.  “I’ve only been in the office a few weeks and we’ve already butted heads on a majority of issues. When we met for coffee before I took office the Senator insisted I add three packs of sugar instead of my usual two.”

Former Assemblywoman, Suzette Valladares who lost her seat to Schiavo shared, “I graciously gave a map of Santa Clarita to Pilar when I left office. I explained the valley was shaped like an inverted triangle. Some constituents’ thinking is upside down as well.”

Santa Clarita Congressman, Mike Garcia who has been tearing his Santa Clarita home apart making certain he’s not storing any classified documents, elaborated, “Our federal Covid mandates were off the charts. The state under Governor Newsom’s leadership has been even more restrictive. Los Angeles County has been over the top, almost equal to Canada, New Zealand and Australia with mandates and lockdowns.”

“I didn’t find any documents,” he added.

City Councilman Bill Miranda was the only dissenting vote not to secede. “What’s wrong with a few mandates? Even though the research is now showing you’re more likely to catch Covid after receiving a booster, I say shoot ‘em up. Besides I look very sharp when I wear color-coordinated masks.”

City Councilwoman, Laurene Weste, who like Santa Clarita Mayor Gibbs endorsed Lite for City Council over McLean, creating an undercurrent of tension at current City Council meetings, disagrees with Miranda. “When the County Health Department issued a mandate I placed masks on my horses, I decided it was time to rein them in. Get it? Miranda’s suggestion we continue handing out free masks with the city logo was the final straw, pun intended.”

Cameron Smyth, the City Councilman who is legendary for shying away from any political flak, has avoided this controversy. “My top-secret polling shows our valley is split about 50/50 percent on the mandate issue. I make sure I read my audience by quickly estimating the percentage of those wearing masks before I make any comment.”

College of the Canyons Chancellor Dianne Van Hook reflected, “This is the first year in well over a decade that KHTS hasn’t made fun of my extensive quotes in speeches in their annual April Fool’s joke. I’ve been researching obscure philosophers’ quotes in preparation for next year’s April Fools.”


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Santa Clarita City Council Votes To Form Own County

11 comments

  1. That move will still not keep me in the Golden State. Even though we are emerging from lockdowns and mandates, I fear that in the next global health emergency, the County of Santa Clarita will once again require me to stand 6ft away from others (it’s cumbersome carrying a tape measure), I’m not a fan of eating take out in disposable containers or buying new clothes from retailers that have quarantined returned items for only 24 hours, (keeps me up at night in a cold sweat), so this news falls short in comforting me as we are still looking at reparations and exit taxes.

  2. I WISH it was true.

  3. Look at the date. Self explanatory.
    Diane, watch the doorknob on your way out.

  4. I supported and voted for cityhood back in 1987, but I’m a little hesitant on forming our own county. Would this newly formed county have a populous to support it financially? From yther article I got the impression that the city council members were irritated with the Covid mandates that the LA county imposed, and this has prompted them again to discuss creating a county. I would like to know their other reasons.

    I would like to see a list of pros and cons on forming our own county.

  5. The geriatric grannies will enforce their “live here, work here” Vision. Every workday afternoon the I5 northbound exits will be closed and locked gates. “Work in LA: Live in LA” will become law. Traffic signals heading South will finally be in synch. Grannies Say Go Away!

  6. Now this is the best April Fools joke ever!!!

  7. Does this mean we will pay property taxes to Santa Clarita and not L.A. Co? Will S.C. buy all Co. properties i.e. courthouse, libraries etc. Will S.C. dole out more in assistance, create its own Fire and Police departments that will offer what L.A. Co already provides, workers comp tabs are pricey, can S.C. support that over time?
    The costs are not cheap.

  8. I am not a Politician and do not have extensive knowledge regarding the intricacies involved in Santa Clarita becoming its own county. What I feel I am good at is understanding how my actions and words can greatly influence what other people think about me. I have lived in Santa Clarita for 40 plus years and feel that the city and its elected officials have done a great job in continuing to improve the city and have earned the right to be proud of our city. It is a great city to live in. However, “Awesome County” would be viewed as “Arrogant and Childish” by the majority of its residents, and people who do not live in Santa Clarita.

    • Hey Sherlock, It was an April Fools joke.
      It even said so in the article.
      I especially liked the masked horse “hooves up”. See, the mask didn’t fit correctly!

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About Carl Goldman

Carl Goldman, along with his wife, Jeri repurchased KHTS AM-1220, Santa Clarita’s hometown station on October 24, 2003. They owned it from 1990-1998, and then sold it to Clear Channel Communication in 1998, buying it back from Clear Channel in 2003. Since then, they have rebuilt KHTS as a critical voice of the Valley. In 2015 the radio station moved to its new headquarters on Main Street in Old Town Newhall, in the original Newhall Hardware building. In 2018 an FM was added, 98.1, with its signal being simulcast with AM-1220. In January 2020, Carl and Jeri cruised on the Diamond Princess. Carl was one of the first Americans to come down with Covid-19. Months earlier he was impacted by Guillain Barre Syndrome as a result of a Shingles vaccine in September 2019. He is still in recovery from the vaccine.