Talking To The Older Adult In Your Life About Their Unsafe Driving

Posted by: KHTS Articles in News Articles July 21, 2020 - 9:36 am 0 550 Views

It’s a situation that is all too common. There’s an older adult in your life: a parent or grandparent, an uncle or aunt, or whatever else it might happen to be, who drives unsafely. It’s probably time for them to admit they can’t be behind the wheel anymore, but they don’t want you taking that away from them.

Older adults with reduced mobility or mental acuity can threaten other drivers or pedestrians whenever they hop in their car and get out on the street. They’ve been driving their whole life, though, and they don’t want to acknowledge they’re a danger to anyone.

You need to speak to them about it. Here are some considerations and ways of making the job easier.

Talk to Them About Accident Statistics

Every day, car accidents caused by older adults occur. They might be:

Head-to-head collisions
Rear-ending a car in front of them
A sideswipe
T-boning another vehicle

Any of these can be dangerous or fatal. For instance, sideswipes cause 2.7% of deadly accidents. If you look at the stats for any of these other categories, they’re similarly upsetting.

If you have some paperwork from accredited institutions backing up what you’re saying about older adults driving, that might be what it takes to get through to the individual. Some people will dismiss what you’re saying without empirical data to back it up.

You Might Bring the Whole Family In

It’s not easy telling a Vietnam War veteran that you want to take away their car keys. They might feel humiliated or angry.

It’s helpful to:

Bring in several family members rather than trying to do this on your own
Have a game plan beforehand

Think of it like you would an intervention. Pick a time and place to do it, and have some talking points ready. Be prepared for some pushback, but also try to emphasize that you love and care about the older driver in question, and you’re trying to do what’s best for them.

Have Some Other Transportation Options

It’s also helpful if, when you have this discussion, you can be ready to answer the question of how the older adult is going to get around if they can no longer drive. They probably need to get to doctor’s appointments sometimes.

They’ll need to get to places like the grocery store or to see their friends. They might want transportation to a bar or social club. Maybe they like to work out at a gym or the YMCA.

You should plan for this question by telling them what their options can be. They might live somewhere there is lots of public transportation, like buses or trains. That will make their life easier.

You can drive them around if you live near them, and you’re available. You can also let them know about ride share options like Uber and Lyft if they don’t know about them yet.

It might be a combination of all of these things. The important thing is that you need to let the person in question know that there are options.

You Might Need to Bring a Doctor In

If telling the older adult the statistics and assuring them that there are other transportation options won’t do it, then you might need to arrange a sit down with their doctor. Their primary care physician knows them best and hopefully has a rapport with them.

Their doctor can tell them the reasons why this needs to happen. Maybe the older adult has reduced mobility, or their reaction time is not as good as it once was. Perhaps they cannot see or hear as well as they once could.

The doctor probably has a bedside manner that they have honed over the years. Now’s the ideal time to use it if the individual is still resisting this idea.

You Might Have to Involve the Law

As a last resort, you can get the law involved. That might have to happen if you feel like this older driver is dangerous, and they refuse to listen to reason.

However, you should avoid doing this if you can, since it’s a scorched-earth policy. If the older adult feels this strongly about continuing to drive, they might not forgive you if you get the courts to take away their license.

To do that, you’ll have to prove that the older adult is dangerous and can’t be on the road anymore. If they have caused any accidents, you can point to that as evidence that what you’re saying is true.

Trying to Come to Terms with This Difficult Situation

This can be a painful time for both you and the older adult you are trying to help. Doubtless, you love them and care about them, and you don’t want to embarrass them.

What often happens near the end of someone’s life is a subversion of the relationship that they once had with their children or grandchildren. Now, the children, grandchildren, nephew, etc. is the one in charge. They call the shots, and the older adult feels like a child because they think that their family is taking away their privileges.

You need to try and handle the situation gracefully and with humor. Do anything you can to avoid humiliating your loved one, but you also need to stress that you wish to keep them safe, not to mention other drivers and pedestrians.

Hopefully, the older adult will come to see that you have their best interest at heart, and they will relent and let you take their keys. You can sell their vehicle or do something else with it. Just make sure that you do make yourself available when they need to get around, just as you promised you would.

This is a process that most people go through at some point. Remember that you’ll likely experience it yourself one day. Try to act compassionately, as you would like your relatives to treat you if the time comes.