On this episode of the Alex Urbina Radio Show, host Alex Urbina and co-host Ellen Tunick discuss opening up possibilities to gain maximum value and if feelings that we have a choice and can we choose which feelings are felt.

I was talking to a friend and he asked the question, if feelings are a choice, Ellen said. He said he can choose to be hurt, happy , sad about anything in my life but I can also choose to not be those things.

“Prior to me realizing that feelings could be a choice, they were not a choice for me,” Alex said. “It wasn’t until I realized that I had the power to choose my own feelings that my feelings became a choice for me.”

If I could make the realization that you have the choice in your feelings then you can too, Alex said. Everyone has the ability to choose how they react in every moment in their life, however what you must become is conscious to that fact and act upon it and decide how you are going to react when situation arise.

A lot of people think your reactions are an automatic trigger however that is not the case. In each moment you choose how you will act, whether that be sad, happy, angry, distraught or otherwise, that is all a choice. When you reach the realization that you can take a second and think about the situation that ‘automatic response’ will become nonexistent and you will be able to take control, full control of your life.

What most do is when growing up you feel the “bad feelings” such as pain, sadness, guilt and so on and we compartmentalize those as the bad feelings and we start to numb ourselves to those feelings, Alex said. When I say numb ourselves I mean we in a way are numbing our vulnerability.

Previous Episode: The Alex Urbina Radio Show – October 19, 2018

“We then are not feelings our feelings anymore,” Alex said. “We are not experiencing our experiences. However once we start to numb ourselves we then aren’t feeling the good feelings and the mechanism as a whole is broken.”

Do we allow certain people and pick and choose our feelings, Ellen asked.

We do that everyday, we have our inner circle and allow only a few to see us sad, happy, or whatever feeling you “hide” from the world, Alex said.

Interpretations of feelings

What I struggled with when first training was that we care about what people think about us or how they respond to me. However what I was finally able to grasp was that each person is the meaning maker of their own life, they experience the world their own way and put their own interpretation on actions of others and create their own story.

If someone is choosing to be happy when they interact with you that is their feeling. If someone is sad when interacting with you that is their feeling.

What you have to realize is that no matter what you do people are going to feel how they want and you cant change that. However you are still co-creating that experience of the negative feeling. What you can do is if 9 out of 10 people are having a negative feeling when they are around you, you have to look at yourself and maybe it is how you are coming across that are turning people off. Now if you are fine with that feeling then great that is how you feel and there is nothing wrong with that. You must be ready for the consequences of your actions and not expect for the outcome to be different if you are not looking and becoming conscious to the way you are coming off to others.

If you are interested in being coached by Alex Urbina live on the radio please contact his team at teamurbina@alexurbina.com.

About Alex’s Book: The Inspirational Parent

“The Inspirational Parent” is a book that is written to remind you there are interpersonal tools which already exists within yourself to create a deep, meaningful and connected relationship with your children. One that fosters a higher level of trust, giving you the platform to be effective in your parenting.

One of the most rewarding experiences as a parent is knowing you’re able to inspire and empower your child to create an extraordinary life for themselves.

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