By Alex Urbina – Santa Clarita Life Coach & Parenting Expert

Are you coachable? Most people answer “yes,” but the reality is, many are not coachable. In the below enlightening essay, Santa Clarita life coach Alex Urbina shares what it may take for you to become coachable.

When it comes to achieving successful results that far exceeds what you’re currently capable of creating on your own, there’s a 21st century solution for that; it’s called help.

Reaching out for help is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself. One would need to deem themselves worthy and deserving enough to ask someone else to support them; they might even have to surrender their pride and let go of the ego.

Most people don’t really know the value and benefits of having a Life Coach, and how a coach can really help people create extraordinary results for themselves.

Related: ‘The Inspirational Parent’ By Santa Clarita Life Coach Alex Urbina Now Available On Amazon

My job as a Life Coach is to help people see new empowering perspectives to better assist them in making new choices, followed by new results.

Most high-level business executives, CEO’s, entrepreneurs and managers understand the value of coaching, and its true power to help them create uncommon results that otherwise would not be possible.

However, coaching may not be a game for everyone.

It is my experience as a Life Coach for the last 20 plus years, that not everyone is ready to be coached in their life. It may be true that everyone might have the potential to be coached, however it appears that not everyone is willing to Be and Do what it takes to be coachable.

What is being coachable?

Being coachable, means that you’ve developed certain abilities within yourself in order to be coached and mentored in your life, without self sabotaging your own efforts in the process. Most people don’t realize the inner workings that it requires for a person to be able to be mentored and guided along their own life’s journey.

Being coachable means that you take the coaching instructions and you put them into practice, or implement them into your life without any of your own psychological dysfunctions getting in the way.

What kind of abilities does it take to be coached successfully?

There are certain inner abilities or what I call champion-like qualities that you must first learn how to master within yourself before you can even start to be coached to your next level of greatness.

Currently I work with about a dozen or so powerful leaders here in Santa Clarita alone, that all have certain attributes or characteristics that are quite similar to each other, that really makes them very coachable, and the process to create extraordinary results for themselves seamless.

When I say leaders, I don’t necessarily mean community leaders, even though some are. When I say leaders, I mean real honest and courageous people that have accessed their own inner champion; long before they’ve even reached out to me for coaching.

Here are some of those similarities:

• They are willing to be wrong about their own beliefs, point of views, and preconceived notions. All in an effort to discover and replace them with new-improved, and empowering beliefs, that ultimately support their growth.
• They are open-minded, open to all possibilities, even if it doesn’t make sense at the moment or they cannot yet see how to it works, how to create it, or even how to make it happen.
• They implement the coaching, practice, or homework given at the speed of instructions. They are eager to embark on their new quest.
• They are willing to be one hundred percent honest with their self evaluations, and sharing. They don’t mind telling on themselves, or revealing their own weakness’s or shortcomings, so they can learn the life lesson they need to learn; and grow from it.
• They are willing to be held accountable by their coach, willing to stand in the fire and take responsibility for any and all of it; never pointing fingers or blaming others.
• They are willing to learn, discover, grow, and change. Not just say they are, but truly willing to go through the mental and emotional challenges that growth demands of them.
• They are willing to be challenged, be uncomfortable, fail, make mistakes, take risks, and even experience pain, rejection, and embarrassment.
• They don’t take things personal, or get their feelings hurt so easy. Their desire to keep learning, growing and creating breakthroughs for themselves is greater than their feelings.
• They don’t make excuses, they own it, learn from it, and recommit.
• They all have the same deep feeling within themselves, that they were born with a mighty purpose, and that it is their responsibility to figure out what that purpose is; and live it.
• They see honest feedback as a gift rather than a judgment, a disapproval or a criticism. They take that feedback and make the proper adjustments.
• They have a high level of gratitude, thankful for all situations and circumstances; they can see the silver lining in the darkest of clouds.
• They all have this amazing love for their family, and a deep burning desire to be better human beings for their loved ones, and a contribution to their community, and their world.

Being able to work with a Life Coach is a rite of passage, a transition into a new and more powerful way of living. It’s a metamorphosis, like the transitioning of the caterpillar from its cocoon – Transforming itself into a beautiful butterfly.   

The coaching process has to be organic, and the timing has to be right for each individual, being coachable cannot be forced, however it can be willed.

Every coach and student has to click, we have to vibe, we have to see eye to eye. It’s a very magical moment to find someone from your tribe, someone who gets you, understands your struggles, yet compassionate enough to stand for your greatness.

When I think of the process of coaching, I often think of this famous quote.

“When the student is ready the teacher will appear. When the student is truly ready… The teacher will disappear.”  – Loa Tzu

The true test for me as a coach is to see if my potential clients are authentically and truly committed to being the student.

Living life as the student sounds very easy, but when you have a coach in your face committed to challenge you beyond your own capacity; the proof of the pudding is always in the eating.

I know how challenging it can be for human beings to surrender the ego, truly learning how to be the student again, especially since we’ve spent our entire lives trying to become the expert.

How can you sabotage your own coaching experience?

I don’t think that people intentionally sabotage their own coaching journey, for the most part I know that people are honest and sincere when they say they need help or want change to occur in their lives, however I do believe that there are some unintentional and unconscious sabotaging going on within their whole hearted efforts.

Here are some of those sabotaging characteristics:

• Known fear, and unknown fear
• Taking things personally, offended easily
• Social conditioning; limiting beliefs, behaviors, desires
• Know-it-all syndrome; “I already know this”
• Overthinking and making things into larger issues than they need to be
• Narcissistic Personalities – Inauthentic, selfish, needy, unforgiving, self-centeredness, and arrogance
• Victim Mentality; always thinking that others are out to get you, blaming others, pointing fingers, never taking accountability.
• Fix my husband, wife, kids; because they really need it

To be honest with you, had I not had my own transformational wake-up call twenty-five years ago, I don’t know if I would even be coachable myself.

For me, it took a real rigorous commitment to better myself, I had to be willing to take a very courageous and deep honest look at myself before I was able to surrender my Ego, and submitted to a spirit driven life.

I am forever in awe of all the courageous champions that I have the honor to be working within their lives. I am inspired daily, as I watch so many brave and gutsy people take on their lives to new heights.

Just yesterday, I asked a handful of my clients to answer this one question:

What is the value you find for yourself working with a Life Coach?

Here are their responses:

• You help me realize when I am making up stories in my head that just aren’t true! Then you help me make sense of what is “really” happening, and I then get to make powerful choices that I might have not otherwise.
• I get an opportunity to vent, to get “it” off my chest without ever being judged. I feel heard, validated, and ok to feel the way I feel, from there together we come up with a powerful way to handle “it” so that I am bigger than my circumstances.
• I can tell you this much, I have never felt so much confidence before in my entire life. My stress, frustration and disappointment levels have all decreased since working with you; aah… Personal Freedom!
• The most incredible gift I receive from coaching is being able to see a whole new world of possibilities that I cannot see on my own. Not only am I able to see them when sitting with you, but now I am getting better at seeing them in the moment; to me that is priceless.
• Not only do you help me become more effective in my business, but you have been instrumental in helping me reconnect, and rebuild a lost and broken relationship with my son. So, the value… is that life coaching has helped me become a better man, and father as well as a more effective businessman.
• Life coaching has helped me align my courageous self with my best self. Now I have more meaningful relationships with the people I love most, and I enjoy the process of gratitude and authenticity within myself.