In the May 6 broadcast of the “My Conscious Dad” program on KHTS AM-1220, Santa Clarita life coach Alex Urbina and his daughter Jazmine talked about ways parents can help their children build self-esteem, and be able to withstand bullying.

Santa Clarita Life Coach Alex Urbina

The first thing parents can do to help build self-esteem in their children is to love themselves as much as they love their kids, Urbina and his daughter agreed.

“Self-esteem — what it really boils down to is self-love,” Urbina said. “I think when you love yourself so much and you get to a higher level of self-love, you just automatically take care of yourself. You stand real proud about who you are, you see yourself as a gift. You protect yourself. You don’t let people take advantage of you. You don’t have a problem saying to somebody, ‘Hey, you don’t get to speak to me like that,’ or ‘Hey, that’s not OK.’ You love yourself so much that you’re going to protect yourself the same way as a parent you would (protect your kids), you love your kids.”

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Urbina observed that some parents love their kids more than themselves.

“I feel like I’m in that category,” he said. “I love (my children) so much I would take a bullet for you, I would give up my life for you. And if I’m going to give up my life for you, that means I’m going to defend you if it comes down to someone taking advantage of you or hurting you. I’m going to get in there and be your biggest champion. I’m going to be ready to fight and defend  your honor and to not let anything happen to you.”

Urbina said parents need to feel the same way about themselves in order to help their kids build self-love, too.

“You’ve got to love yourself to that level that you say, ‘No one gets to talk to me like that or treat me in any bad way, and I think that’s what it all boils down to, is learning to love yourself to a really high level,” he said.

At a recent seminar on school bullying, Urbina asked the parents in the audience if they knew they had a relationship with themselves. Only a few people raised their hands.

“I remember when I was like 16 or 17 and realizing that for the first time that, ‘Wow, there’s another me, I’m in a relationship with me, and … it was like this big explosion had gone off. I was so excited, “Jazmine Urbina said. “I don’t have kids but I love my parents, I would do anything for them. If someone talked to them rudely I would say the same thing: ‘You don’t get to talk to my mom that way.’ But now because I have something to compare it to, I have this new sense of self-love where I could say, ‘You don’t get to talk to me like that.’”

Urbina recalled having a similar awakening in his early 20s, realizing for the first time that he had a relationship with himself.

“Once you do realize it and embrace it then you now have the opportunity to take responsibility for it,” he said. “Are you going to grow it, just let it sit there dormant, or ignore it? What are you going to do with the possibility that you do have a relationship with yourself, and are you going to take it to the next level or not?”

Both Urbinas see the process of learning to love one’s self as an art form, and with practice, one gets better at it.

“I think that learning to love yourself takes a lot of rigorous practice and it takes a little bit of an art form to be kind to yourself and do all those things that you need to do to develop this higher sense of self-love,” he said.

Santa Clarita life coach Alex Urbina is one of the leading experts on teen, parent and family relationships. Specializing in personal transformation, Urbina has 20 years of experience as a life coach in Santa Clarita. His Life Leadership Training programs are being implemented in schools, youth organizations and transformational centers across the country, helping empower people to realize their full potential. “My Conscious Dad”, hosted by Urbina and his daughter, Jazmine Urbina, helps listeners consider new possibilities they couldn’t see before. The show airs on Fridays at 1 p.m. on KHTS AM-1220.