Santa Clarita Life Coach Alex Urbina: The Fear Of Being Vulnerable

Posted by: KHTS Community Spotlight in Alex Urbina - Life Leadership, Santa Clarita Latest News September 9, 2019 - 11:00 am 0 342 Views

Santa Clarita Life Coach Alex Urbina is opening up a discussion about the common fear of being vulnerable, and how to overcome it in order to have more meaningful relationships.

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“Our fear of being vulnerable is one of the reasons why we’re missing out on loving relationships, and when I talk about loving relationships, I’m talking about more deeper, meaningful relationships,” Urbina said.

Most people have unconsciously established a certain “level” of vulnerability that they’re comfortable with in their interactions and conversations, and Urbina encouraged stepping out of this comfort zone by taking vulnerability to a new level.

Related: Santa Clarita Life Coach Alex Urbina: Handling Life-Changing Moments

The first step is to be open to the possibility that “layers of protection” exist as barriers for most relationships, and that only a select few people who have proven they aren’t “out to harm us” have been allowed beyond the walls and into the vulnerable “inner zones,” according to Urbina.

Once a person is aware of this internal dynamic, the next step is to make the conscious decision to be vulnerable with his or her own self, Urbina continued.

“The way that you allow someone else to see your vulnerability is first to start being vulnerable with yourself,” he said. “If I can learn how to be more vulnerable with myself, bring my own walls (down) and allow my own self to go and peek in behind those barriers, … when you get past the final wall and there’s a treasure of goodies and you get to that place, you’re now more excited and more courageous enough to share that vulnerability with someone else.”

Part of the reason it takes such courage to be vulnerable with others is because people often fear that it would make them appear “weak,” but Urbina pointed out his belief that this perception is a choice.

“Since we were little kids, most of us have been taught that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness, so we avoid going to the vulnerability because we feel like we’ve got to be strong,” Urbina said. “What if you decided that vulnerability is really what strong is?”

Another reason being vulnerable with others is challenging is because people tend to assume they will be perceived a certain way as a result, and are very “attached” to what others think about them, according to Urbina.

“I can’t control how people perceive my vulnerability. I can’t — not now, not tomorrow, not ever — be in control of how people perceive it, how they react to it, how their experience of it is going to be,” Urbina said. “You have to be totally surrendered and unattached. I call it, you have to not care about what people think about you.”

While this may seem like a derogatory approach to some at first glance, Urbina clarified that he doesn’t mean it in this way at all.

He continued, “I care about you, but your thoughts or opinions about me, they’re yours. I honor them, but when I say I don’t care about them, it’s more like they may not necessarily be real or true about me. They’re just something that you’ve created about me. So the term, ‘I don’t care,” is behind the scenes, … I’m not going to let it affect me.”

Ed. Note: This article is a KHTS Community Spotlight based on the latest “The Alex Urbina Radio Show” on KHTS.

Santa Clarita Life Coach Alex Urbina is one of the leading experts on teen, parent and family relationships. Specializing in personal transformation, Urbina has more than 20 years of experience as a life coach Santa Clarita residents can depend on. His Life Leadership Training programs have been implemented in schools, youth organizations and transformational centers across the country. Urbina is also the author of “The Inspirational Parent: The Magical Ingredients for Effective Parenting” and host of “The Alex Urbina Radio Show: Helping You Reach Your Full Potential” on KHTS, which airs Fridays at noon.

Alex Urbina

661-505-5021

alex@alexurbina.com