Ed. Note: The following is a KHTS Feature story based on a recent interview with Action Family Counseling

Coping with an addict in the family can be extremely difficult any time of year, but during the holiday season it can seem even harder.

Trying to understand what your loved one is going through– and making an effort not to take things personally –can help, according to Cary Quashen, founder of the Santa Clarita drug and alcohol rehab center Action Family Counseling.

Photo courtesy of CNN

“It’s really a brain disease– we think and act differently than other people, meaning the obsession takes over,” Quashen explained, noting that often the first thought an alcoholic or addict has when they wake up in the morning is how they can get their drink or fix for the day. Similarly, their last thought before going to sleep at night is usually how they’re going to get it the next day, too.  

“It takes over everything,” Quashen added. “It really makes good people do bad things.”

Related: Action Founder Relates CBS Special ‘Heroin In The Heartland’ To Santa Clarita

Family members of addicts often call Quashen in the midst of an argument with their loved one when the person is high. His advice for the family is to try to realize that they’re arguing with the drug, and the person probably won’t even remember what was said the next day.

“It’s really hard not to take stuff personally when it’s in our face, when somebody is drinking or using drugs and saying horrible things and doing horrible things,” Quashen said. “What people have got to remember is, somebody that’s drinking or using really doesn’t feel real good about themselves. Their self esteem is really bad and they’re hurting. What do we do when we’re hurt? We hurt people around us.”

This often leads to the addict saying things they don’t mean and doing things they wouldn’t normally do, making it vital for family members to somehow separate their loved one’s addiction from who they really are.

“(Addiction) is very self-centered,” said Jerry Bruce, program director at the adolescent unit of Action’s residential program. “They’re not thinking about the family, they’re not thinking about anybody– they’re thinking about themselves and the next drug and the next drink.”

While it can be hard not to see hurtful words and actions as acts to harm the family, which is typically what happens, Bruce said the reality of the situation is that how an addict’s behavior affects their family “doesn’t even factor into their thought process.”

Photo Courtesy of CNN

Stress levels are also usually high during the holidays, which can contribute to a recovering addict or alcoholic relapsing.

“Most alcoholics and addicts relapse over stress, and right now what is it? It’s an extremely stressful time of year,” Quashen said. “So we’ve really got to pay attention to our surroundings and be aware.”

For example, serving alcohol around someone in recovery can be “tempting fate,” according to Quashen.

“When we have family members that are in recovery, we have to understand that just because they’re staying sober does not mean that the obsession is gone, so we really need to be paying attention to what we’re doing around them,” he said. “It is a disease that can’t be cured, but it can be arrested, meaning it can be treated, but it’s kind of like diabetes– once you have it, you’ve got to treat it.”

KHTS Feature Story

Action Family Counseling is a Santa Clarita drug and alcohol rehab center. Action has drug and alcohol residential treatment locations in Santa Clarita, Piru and Bakersfield, as well as intensive drug and alcohol outpatient programs in Santa Clarita, Simi Valley, Ventura, Pasadena and Bakersfield. Action Family Counseling supports and reinforces changes in behavior patterns so that adolescents and adults, or clients and their families, can fully indoctrinate the philosophies and principles needed to remain abstinent and stabilized for life.

Action Family Counseling

22722 Soledad Canyon Road

Santa Clarita, CA 91350

Office: 661-297-8691

24-Hour Helpline: 800-367-8336