A Santa Clarita relationship coach is opening up a discussion about emotional “addictions,” and how to overcome them either in yourself or your relationship.

Jessica Hartley, founder of the Legendary Love Program, opened the latest “Thriving Relationships” show on KHTS telling a story from a book called “The Mastery of Love,” by Don Miguel Ruiz.

In the story, a man experiences two different kinds of love that are both centered around the emotional “addiction” of codependency.

Related: Santa Clarita Relationship Coach: Overcoming Abandonment

The first love is one where he has a desperate need for certain things from his partner similar to that of a drug addict and his provider; and yet another where he let go of his need and became supremely happy, but made his partner responsible for that happiness, which was too much for her to handle.

Hartley noted that neither of these love scenarios are “something that we’re meant to do,” noting that these types of emotional addictions usually stem from wounds and insecurities that were formed during childhood and reinforced throughout your life.

“So it’s important for us to not only recognize when we have an addiction, but to also recognize how to best be the partner of someone that is struggling with an addiction,” Hartley said.

If you see an emotional addiction in yourself or in your partner, Hartley noted that the first steps are the same: to humble yourself and take ownership of your own issues.

“The most important thing that you can do is to start to take responsibility for your own personal growth, and when you do that, that is how you will help your partner grow,” Hartley said.

By resisting the urge to try to “fix” your partner or pressure them to fix themselves, which often causes more harm than good, you can help them most effectively by focusing on yourself, according to Hartley, who specializes in helping people do just that.

“To be effective in helping them, we must focus on ourselves and the areas inside of myself that I need to grow, that I need to uplift, that I have an opportunity to become a better version of who I am,” she said.

Hartley continued, “It does take a great amount of humility to say, despite what my partner is doing, I am going to focus on me and what I need to focus on to make my life better, to make my experience better, to be a better partner — but to do it for me.”

Ed. Note: This article is a KHTS Community Spotlight based on the latest “Thriving Relationships” with Jessica Hartley, a Santa Clarita relationship coach.

Jessica Hartley is a Santa Clarita relationship coach and the founder of the Legendary Love Program, which provides the necessary structure to introduce powerful changes in your relationship with or without the direct participation of both partners. Hartley uses her 10 years of experience to coach couples on how to save their marriage from divorce and learn to thrive in deep connection and strong, lasting love. The relationship coach in Santa Clarita is the host of “Thriving Relationships with Jessica Hartley” every Wednesday at 2 p.m. on KHTS Radio.

Jessica Hartley

The Legendary Love Program

661-347-8473

Connect@JessicaHartley.com

Jessica Hartley, Santa Clarita

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwGEjJ3IjRI

Jessica Hartley, Santa Clarita Relationship Coach, Relationship Coach Santa Clarita, Legendary Love Program, Santa Clarita Relationship Counselor, Relationship Counselor Santa Clarita