A Santa Clarita therapist is sharing her personal story living with a chronic, terminal illness in an effort to help others cope with the coronavirus pandemic.

Kristina de Bree was born with cystic fibrosis, a terminal genetic illness she said causes the body to produce abnormally thick mucus that destroys the lungs and other organs over time. 

“When I was born, I was not expected to live past my teenage years,” de Bree said during SCVi’s “Eye on the Valley” show on KHTS. “I essentially would live in hospitals for six to eight weeks at a time. I’d come out for short periods of time and then go back, and that was my life.”

As a child, she spent countless birthdays and holidays in the hospital undergoing what she described as traumatic medical procedures, and was forced to self-isolate during flu season because of the dangers it posed given the state of her health. 

“I had a lot of years to learn how to cope with it, and it was different for me in different points in my life,” de Bree recalled. “When I was a younger child, the more superficial things were upsetting to me, like I used to play soccer and I wasn’t allowed to play soccer anymore.”

As de Bree got older, she struggled with anxiety, depression and PTSD from the countless medical procedures she had to undergo to survive, with the reality of her own mortality at the forefront of her thoughts.

Though she managed to survive her teenage years, she said she was “living in trauma,” with her life expectancy only increasing to her 20s instead. She threw herself into her education, studying to become a therapist. 

“I just wanted to live the best that I could, and that got harder and harder,” she said. “I knew that my only chance at life was to find a clinical research study, and even though that was dangerous, I could either face certain death or maybe death. So I chose maybe death.”

In her 20s, de Bree participated in one clinical trial that helped her stay stable but didn’t improve her condition, and she was “devastated” when it was discontinued after three years.

“I was unraveling significantly. My health was deteriorating, I was looking for another trial to get into, but nothing was available,” she said. “My husband, he proposed to me. We were not sure I was going to live long enough to see our wedding day — we weren’t sure if we should have a wedding, but … we continued to plan a wedding and we continued to do our best to live the best life that we could.” 

It was during this time de Bree got into a second clinical trial, but unbeknownst to her at the time, she was placed in the “placebo” group. However, at the end of the trial, she was given the medication “as a courtesy” for participating.

“It completely changed my life,” she said. “Even though technically it’s not a cure, it eradicated 90 percent of my symptoms… I haven’t been in the hospital since starting this medication. I’ve been able to go off two thirds of my medication.”

The trial medication has since been approved by the FDA, allowing de Bree to continue to take it to manage her condition. She went on to marry her husband, and celebrated her 34th birthday last week. 

Now a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), de Bree has her own private practice in Santa Clarita specializing in trauma and grief. In the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, de Bree is using her story and what she learned through her experiences to help others.

Throughout her life, allowing herself to “hold space” for her grief and trauma was vital, which she encourages people to do for themselves and their children as the coronavirus pandemic continues. 

While it may be a person’s instinct to say to themselves or their child, “But it’s only temporary,” or, “At least we have a nice house and food,” de Bree emphasized the importance of validating whatever emotions need to be expressed. 

“What’s important is, when someone is expressing anger, frustration, sadness, grief, you want to say, “I know, it’s sad. You’re right, it’s sad. It’s not fair,’” she said. “Validate — don’t say, ‘but’ or ‘at least,’ just, that’s it — ‘Let’s spend some time being sad about it together.’” 

When working with children in particular, de Bree often sets a timer for five minutes and tells the child, “Let’s spend five minutes being really sad and angry about this.” Then when the timer goes off, she’ll ask the child, “Do you think we need another five minutes, or are we okay for now?”

“Let them do that five minutes as long as they need to, because you’re giving them permission,” she said. “If you’re giving permission, it typically will go for shorter periods of time than if you tell them not to do it.”

Another way de Bree was able to get through her extended hospital stays and isolation at home was to make a plan for what she wanted to do when it was over, like when she and her mother planned an elaborate “Mad Hatter” themed birthday party during a particularly dark hospital stay.

“We got super detailed, having these different stations at the house and each different room was a different land from ‘Alice in Wonderland,’” de Bree recalled. “It got me excited, and it was something that I could look forward to. So create something that you can look forward to when this is all over.” 

Even with her recent 34th birthday, de Bree was excited for a dinner at The Magic Castle in Los Angeles, and had even bought a new dress for the occasion. When her plans had to be cancelled because of the coronavirus, she decided to create her own special dinner at home. 

“I put the gown on and got my hair and makeup all done, and I’m at home,” she said. “You can dress up, you can find ways. You have to tap into that inner child part of ourselves that can play fantasy and make believe.”

While de Bree was mostly alone in her struggles with her disease throughout her life, watching others doing what she couldn’t, she noted that this isn’t the case with the coronavirus pandemic.

“The nice thing about this,” de Bree said, “is that we’re all in this situation together right now.”  

To contact Kristina de Bree for a teletherapy session or other support, call 661-513-4857 or click here.

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