Many survivors of the Las Vegas shooting are still struggling to move on with their lives, and Santa Clarita grief counseling expert Sharon Brubaker says there are a number of different types of loss they may be experiencing without even realizing it.

While some may only associate grief with death, Brubaker noted that most victims of the Las Vegas shooting are likely dealing with a different type of loss: the loss of their safety.

Certified Grief Recovery Specialist Sharon Brubaker.

“There are 43 known losses that we know a person can experience over a lifetime,” she said. “Death and divorce are the most common, but loss of safety and security are intangible losses, but they are absolutely real.”

Related: Las Vegas Shooting Victim Shares Continuing Struggles, Experts Weigh In On Help Available

Many of the local victims Brubaker has worked with have shared that the same fear they experienced during the tragic incident in Las Vegas came back when they’ve tried to be out in public, especially where there are large crowds.

Even the Candlelight Vigil “Pray for Vegas” held at Marketplace Park in Valencia triggered some of the victims in attendance, according to Brubaker.

“With all the police cars there and the fire trucks, as beautiful as it was, there were people that came to us and crowded up next to us, and just that fear came back,” she said.

One problem for most Las Vegas shooting victims is that they were never taught how to grieve properly, and simply mirror what they’ve seen their parents or grandparents do.

“Typically what’s going to happen is people in society are going to tell you, ‘Be strong. You need to be strong. You’ll be able to get over this, just give it time,’” Brubaker explained. “Well how much time? In a year am I going to feel better? In two years am I going to feel better? There will be people 30 years from now that this will still be affecting them.”

Instead of relying on the passage of time alone, Brubaker stressed the importance of taking action as time goes on to move forward in the healing process.

“I feel like it’s a doorway almost, and inside that doorway it’s just dark, completely black,” she said. “You’ve got to walk through it, because recovery from loss and a broken heart is on the other side, and that’s the light, but you’ve got to walk through that darkness.”

People often get “stuck” trying to walk through this symbolic doorway, and may even turn to negative behaviors to help them, like drinking, overeating or sleeping too much, but Brubaker says this is only masking the pain in the short-term.

For Brubaker, overeating is her natural coping mechanism, and she uses self-talk to help her shift away from leaning on food during difficult times.

“I talk to myself, and I say, ‘What is going on right now? What is it?’ And I try to tap into that emotion that I’m feeling,” Brubaker explained. “‘I’m really feeling scared right now — I’m not really hungry. I am closing the refrigerator. Okay, what am I scared about?’”

Brubaker encourages not only this type of self-talk, but talking through things with others as well, be it a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist like herself, friends, family or a support group.

“Being able to talk to somebody and talk it through is really, really helpful,” she said, “and just acknowledging, ‘This is where I’m at,’ and helping to pull yourself out.”

Santa Clarita grief counselor Sharon Brubaker has over 11 years of experience as a certified grief recovery specialist. The Santa Clarita grief counseling expert specializes in the Grief Recovery Method, and offers an 8-week education program that she teaches in person, utilizing her free eBook titled “Grief Recovery.” Through grief counseling, Santa Clarita residents who desire a lasting change can be guided on their journey of pain to find healing in their lives.

Sharon Brubaker

27772 Avenue Scott

Valencia, CA 91355

661-212-0720