Giving yourself permission to be honest about how you’re feeling not only benefits you, but can also benefit the people in your life, according to Santa Clarita life coach Alex Urbina.

The vast majority of individuals Urbina works with struggle with the ability to share their true emotions with others, which he noted not only holds them back, but holds those around them back as well.

Santa Clarita Life Coach Alex Urbina

“If you’re holding something back, and I sense you’re holding something back … I’m not fully, wholeheartedly trusting you that I can reveal myself,” Urbina explained, noting that once that emotional wall comes down, it creates instant trust.

He continued, “If you’re going to trust me with your heart or if you’re going to trust me with your feelings and your emotions, it’s almost like a sacred space now. So now I instantly trust you with my experiences as well.”

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By creating that mutual trust, you are also giving the other person permission to open up to you as well.

“Have you ever noticed when someone gives themselves permission to be vulnerable and allows themselves to express the emotion or the feelings that are coming up, and then they share that with you, do you not all of a sudden have a sense of feeling that it’s okay for you to feel your emotions, and for you to be honest with what’s coming up for you as well?” Urbina asked.

This is important for teenagers in particular, who tend to feel isolated in what they’re going through.

“In their mind, in their own world, their own reality, they look out and see everybody else smiling or putting on a fake smile or pretending that life is so rosy,” Urbina said. “You being able to be honest with your feelings gives other people a commonality to go, ‘Oh, wow — you feel like that too? … I thought I was out there floating all by myself, and now I realize that we’re both out there floating.’”

During his teen training workshops, the realization of this commonality often helps the participating teens bond together by sharing compassion for each other.

Urbina noted that teens who open up to the group about their own struggles often receive overwhelming support in return — support that they wouldn’t have been given if their emotional walls had remained up.

“It’s amazing to watch the teenager to the right, the teenager to the left,” he said, recalling seeing someone reaching out to hold someone else’s hand, or patting their back in an effort to comfort them.

Most of the teens who participate in Urbina’s trainings have shut down their emotions for years, and walk in with their walls up and a refusal to let the others see who they are, making this evolvement of compassion for one another truly special.  

“I want to open up that there’s a bigger gift in this when we allow ourselves to be emotionally honest with what’s coming up for us,” he said. “It’s like handing somebody a gift, saying, ‘Here, you can be compassionate with me.’ But if I’ve got walls up and I’m not sharing, then I’m keeping that gift from you, I’m not allowing you to be that person for me.”

Santa Clarita life coach Alex Urbina is one of the leading experts on teen, parent and family relationships. Specializing in personal transformation, Urbina has 20 years of experience as a life coach in Santa Clarita. His Life Leadership Training programs are being implemented in schools, youth organizations and transformational centers across the country, helping empower people to realize their full potential. “My Conscious Dad”, hosted by Urbina and his daughter, Jazmine Urbina, helps listeners consider new possibilities they couldn’t see before. The show airs on Fridays at 1 p.m. on KHTS AM-1220.